the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
