Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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