Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
