Fuck appropriateness.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
