I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
