It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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