I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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