there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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