I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
