i permit you to call me
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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