The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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