I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Randomize
