i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize