This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
