I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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