just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
