watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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