do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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