I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
