your room smells of hookers.
And success
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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