I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
