There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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