my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
