literally had 100 drinks last night.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
