why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
