We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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