I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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