you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone came in the potted fern
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
