my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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