My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
