I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize