she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
