Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
cat food counts as protein by the way
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
