So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
