Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I did not marry a roomba.
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