Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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