What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
