Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
