walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
tell me about the eggs
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
