then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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