I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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