He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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