my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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