i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
