Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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