i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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