So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
