that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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