ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He passed out mid-signature
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
