do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
