I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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