If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize