Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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