Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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