Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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