high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
