What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they're like a gay fantastic four
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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