PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
