i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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