i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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