are you still at the devil's house?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize