He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize