and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
