BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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