k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
we're making bets on your personal life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
