If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Randomize
