I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Will exercising make me less horny?
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