Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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