take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
