dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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