We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
