I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
you win again, gameday.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
