Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
