My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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