i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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