I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
