I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
