Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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