I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
