He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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